social media vs. my self confidence

How could I let this happen? When did I let social media rob me blind; of my self confidence that is. 

You're probably thinking right now, is she serious? I am. I'll be as real as real gets with this one. I struggle with my self confidence, but for years I wouldn't have wanted a soul to know. I am not writing for a pitty party. You, your best friend, daughter, sister, or girlfriend just may feel the same as me... That's why I'm writing. So keep reading! 

Social media steals confidence right from the hands of naturally beautiful girls. Then, it turns right around and fuels its own fire. Every single day, I scroll, scroll, scroll, down through Instagram. Selfie after selfie appear. Most of the time the same girls post these selfies. I see their 100+ likes, comments with about ten fire emojis, and a few "you're so pretty" "nooo girl, you're so pretty" conversations. I keep on scrolling and soon enough find myself at the end of new posts, and often feel a slight pang of jealousy.

I think I'll post a selfie. I tell myself, the next time I feel really truly good about myself I will post one. I fix my hair, put on a cute outfit, and try to perfect my makeup. The girl in the mirror gives me the go ahead. I take a selfie, but I don't like it. So I take another and soon twenty more. Still none I like. None I feel are worthy of social media, not even with a fancy filter. The day passes and I feel confident while I'm out and about, but I still don't post the selfie. I won't post one tomorrow either, or the next day, or ever at this rate. 

On December 9th, I got pissed off. Not at anyone but myself. I had to give a speech that day, so I wanted to look extra nice. I woke up early to curl my hair, do my makeup, and pick out a nice outfit. I teased my hair and put on my fur vest (Texas style), snapped a quick selfie, and headed to class. Well, the vest only made it to the parking lot before it spent the day on the passengers seat of my car. When I got back to my car, saw my beloved fur vest in a ball on the seat, I was angry. I let just the mere thought of others' opinions talk me out of wearing an outfit I loved...

This war with myself had to end. My brain sang the lyrics to Miranda Lambert's song, Bathroom Sink, loud and clear as I gathered up the courage to post that selfie. 

The whole point is, I faked courage and confidence for far too long. My mom always said, "fake it 'til you make it", and damn it, it was my time to make it. But it's not just my time, it's your time too. 

So here's the deal:

1. Take care of yourself
2. Love who you are
3. Post the freaking selfie, if that's what will make you happy
4. Compliment others generously &
5. Don't believe all you see on social media  (everyone has access to makeup tutorials and photoshop these days)

It takes time and I'm working on it too. This blog post weighed on my mind for two weeks now... You may think, what a trivial post; maybe to you it is. However, as a millennial striving to brand myself and my blog with the help of social media, I can't let it win the battle over my self confidence. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, stop letting likes determine our self worth, and stop allowing social media and the opinions of others control our happiness.

"Glamour at it's finest just means someone's hiding from their own reality in the mirror at their bathroom sink" - Miranda Lambert

battling homesickness

 “I can’t wait to get out of this school and this town.” I see these words tweeted all the time from kids in my hometown. I hear them so often when I am home. Personally, I don’t know how many times I said these words during my senior year of high school. Probably a lot. So I searched long and hard for that college far, far away. I thought Texas would be a perfect escape; Texas A&M University, warm weather, new people, Nolan, & independence.

It was perfect at first. I had a cute little apartment to decorate, thousands of organizations I could join, friends to make, and endless opportunities. So I jumped in head first. But then I sank. I found out quickly that decorating is expensive, so are groceries, school supplies, and basically everything in college. I didn’t get accepted to the only women’s organization I applied to (a common problem for a confident freshman). And I quickly learned that if you find a friend in a class of 350 people, but don’t get their number, chances are you probably won’t see that person again. Believe it or not, out of that sixty thousand people in College Station, it is so hard to find a good friend.

Now, here I am struggling through week six, homesick for small town, Pennsylvania. It’s weird, I have always been so proud of my courageousness, confidence, and independence. I never pictured myself as one who would search for cheap plane tickets daily and find events like Homecoming or a cattle show a “good reason” to come home. Unfortunately, last minute plane tickets are not cheap and driving 24 hours both ways for a weekend home is crazy. So I have found other ways to cope:

Find your passion 

Obviously I liked something about Texas, or I wouldn’t be here. For me, it’s the land and agriculture. So on the weekends, Nolan and I find something to do and take our time getting there; stopping every couple miles, or less, to take pictures. In Texas, in every direction you go you’ll find beautiful (well to us at least) farmland and thousands of cattle. We take advantage of this abundance and feed our passion.

Do something that reminds you of home

Nothing says home to me like a county fair. When the radio man said, “Neal McCoy at the Waller County Fair”, I knew I had to be there. Well, the Waller Co. Fair was small, and I mean even smaller than my beloved Somerset County Fair. But I did find that sense of home watching their sale of champions, while eating fries with cheese and drinking lemonade, and again at the rodeo. Finally, as we were watching Neal McCoy shake it, I realized this was by far the most fun Nolan and I had since our move to Texas. For a while, I forgot about being 1,000 miles from home.

FaceTime, Skype, whatever

FaceTime and Skype have been a saving grace for me while dealing with my homesick blues. I FaceTime my momma (and my dogs, cats, and ducks) regularly and I LOVE IT. I also have Skype dates with my best friends back home and my best friend in the ARMY (I am so proud). Just last Sunday, I found out via FaceTime that one of my best friends got engaged. It was SO much better than any call or text I could have gotten. So text your friend, mom, grandma, whoever and say, “hey, tonight if you’re free let’s have a Skype or FaceTime date” and it will be wonderful, I promise.

Use Social Media

Like Skype and Facetime, I love social media! I use Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to keep up with family and friends while I’m away. Both of my grandmas and Nolan’s grandma are on Facebook, and I think that’s adorable! So I try to post pictures often for family. Sometimes I feel extra obligated to post on Facebook, so my mom doesn’t have to inform me that, “so and so hasn’t seen you on Facebook in a while and they want to know are you having fun/doing okay in college?” As far as Instagram and Twitter go, same concept, just for more of our generation.   

Try to Make a Few Friends

It’s so easy to be antisocial and watch Netflix for hours upon hours, but it doesn’t hurt to take a few minutes to talk to your neighbor when you’re out. Our super nice neighbors have an adorable dog named Jagger, so being the animal lovers that we are, that is how we made friends! Just by chatting when we saw them out, buying Jagger treats, and being friendly, we have friends. Easier said than done, right?

I am definitely still learning to cope with this monster called “homesickness”. But whether you’re a senior in high school considering colleges or a college student going through the same thing, I hope this little bit of insight helps!