the best of my 2015

In less than twelve hours, we will kiss 2015 goodbye. But it would not be right to do so without a little reminiscing.

January 1, 2015 I set myself a few goals. Some seemed simple and predictable goals like get good grades and graduate high school. Others I made to challenge myself, such as, get accepted to Texas A&M and go. The hard work was behind me and getting accepted was out of my hands, but the going part scared me, a lot. Most of all, in 2015 I wanted to have fun and cherish the rest of our simple days of high school with my friends. 

2015 came with a whirlwind of emotions; joy, sadness, excitement, fear, frustration, relief, happiness... But overall, I look back on the last 365 days of my life and feel blessed.  So here's to the best of 2015!

social media vs. my self confidence

How could I let this happen? When did I let social media rob me blind; of my self confidence that is. 

You're probably thinking right now, is she serious? I am. I'll be as real as real gets with this one. I struggle with my self confidence, but for years I wouldn't have wanted a soul to know. I am not writing for a pitty party. You, your best friend, daughter, sister, or girlfriend just may feel the same as me... That's why I'm writing. So keep reading! 

Social media steals confidence right from the hands of naturally beautiful girls. Then, it turns right around and fuels its own fire. Every single day, I scroll, scroll, scroll, down through Instagram. Selfie after selfie appear. Most of the time the same girls post these selfies. I see their 100+ likes, comments with about ten fire emojis, and a few "you're so pretty" "nooo girl, you're so pretty" conversations. I keep on scrolling and soon enough find myself at the end of new posts, and often feel a slight pang of jealousy.

I think I'll post a selfie. I tell myself, the next time I feel really truly good about myself I will post one. I fix my hair, put on a cute outfit, and try to perfect my makeup. The girl in the mirror gives me the go ahead. I take a selfie, but I don't like it. So I take another and soon twenty more. Still none I like. None I feel are worthy of social media, not even with a fancy filter. The day passes and I feel confident while I'm out and about, but I still don't post the selfie. I won't post one tomorrow either, or the next day, or ever at this rate. 

On December 9th, I got pissed off. Not at anyone but myself. I had to give a speech that day, so I wanted to look extra nice. I woke up early to curl my hair, do my makeup, and pick out a nice outfit. I teased my hair and put on my fur vest (Texas style), snapped a quick selfie, and headed to class. Well, the vest only made it to the parking lot before it spent the day on the passengers seat of my car. When I got back to my car, saw my beloved fur vest in a ball on the seat, I was angry. I let just the mere thought of others' opinions talk me out of wearing an outfit I loved...

This war with myself had to end. My brain sang the lyrics to Miranda Lambert's song, Bathroom Sink, loud and clear as I gathered up the courage to post that selfie. 

The whole point is, I faked courage and confidence for far too long. My mom always said, "fake it 'til you make it", and damn it, it was my time to make it. But it's not just my time, it's your time too. 

So here's the deal:

1. Take care of yourself
2. Love who you are
3. Post the freaking selfie, if that's what will make you happy
4. Compliment others generously &
5. Don't believe all you see on social media  (everyone has access to makeup tutorials and photoshop these days)

It takes time and I'm working on it too. This blog post weighed on my mind for two weeks now... You may think, what a trivial post; maybe to you it is. However, as a millennial striving to brand myself and my blog with the help of social media, I can't let it win the battle over my self confidence. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, stop letting likes determine our self worth, and stop allowing social media and the opinions of others control our happiness.

"Glamour at it's finest just means someone's hiding from their own reality in the mirror at their bathroom sink" - Miranda Lambert

a little throwback thursday; my barn

About a month ago, Nolan suggested I do a "throwback Thursday" blog. My travels home to Pennsylvania last week inspired me, so I decided to take Nolan's suggestion.

I was ecstatic to be home and to feed my ducks and cats (the only animals left) in the barn. People use the word, "bittersweet" all the time, but I've never truly known what a bittersweet moment felt like until I walked into my barn and found it basically empty... Sadness overcame me at first, but then I quickly recalled all the happiness it brought me over my childhood.

I recall the bittersweet feeling and shed a few tears, mainly because I'd give anything to be shivering my hiney off in the Pennsylvania snow, working hair on a steer, rather than preparing for finals. I found this perfect "throwback" that I wrote in Mrs. Robley's english class 3 years ago; around the time I realized I like to write. Enjoy!

The Massive wooden doors of the wold white barn rumbled on the old tracks as I struggled to pry them apart. I could barely reach the handle so I stuck my hand through the small crack in the doors and pushed with all my might until the opening became wide enough that I could squeeze through. The aroma of ancient dust and fresh hay overwhelmed me. My sister, Emily, and I started our adventure to find a litter of stray kittens amongst the clutter that filled the barn wall to wall. Dressed in our finest hand me down shirts and old jeans we tried our hardest to sneak around the barn without alarming the kittens. Empty light sockets that used to hold light bulbs years ago seemed to taunt us as we trudged around with our flashlights. Thick cobwebs hung everywhere; on every piece of wood from ceiling to floor. Giant horse shoes nailed in rafters hinted to the history of the barn. My dad’s old International tractor posed as an obstacle to get around. But on the other side kittens could be hiding. Til we found the kittens cobwebs and dirt covered our clothes, but we didn’t care.

At age ten the barn was finally home to livestock of my own. Two goats, Sweet Pea and Sally, lived in one makeshift pen. It wasn’t much, but it was shelter from the harsh winter weather. A rusty broken fence, spare boards nailed up as a wall, and a piece of ply wood supported by two stacks of cribbing that were also supporting the falling through floor served as a pen to contain my goats. An old plywood election sign with two shiny hinges functioned as a door. A single light bulb hung from the ceiling. It created enough light for me to feed in the morning before I went to school. Around the pen the rusty old International still stood and the rest of the clutter remained. I’ll never forget when I heard that strange cry come from the barn. I knew what it was and I took off running through the December wind and snow with my dad right behind me. I tore open the barn doors and flipped on the light and gazed with amazement at the two baby goats standing in the pen with Sweet Pea and Sally. My once empty barn now came to life.

Now my barn steals me away from the rest of the world when I’m home. The once cluttered mess of a barn still stands, but without all the clutter. Thanks to all of the back breaking work of my dad the upstairs floor holds its own weight, the once drafty walls block all the wind and snow, one light became a long strand of bright white lights on a thick yellow chord, and the space once occupied by one makeshift pen and the rusty old tractor transformed into three pens for many goats and a few pigs. Some of the holes in the concrete still remain. On the cleanly swept floor you can see my name along with Nolan’s and Jed’s baby hoof prints where he ran through the wet cement during Nolan’s attempts to patch the holes.Though my barn changed a lot over the years, even as a sixteen year old girl I still see it as an adventure.

I wrote this at sixteen. Since then, my barn brought me the joy of raising the Champion County Born and Raised Swine, housed two peacocks, and gave my friends a little "ag education". It provided me with a stage and audience to practice my winning fair queen speech for countless hours. It transformed into the perfect set up with my dreams of raising a steer, which turned out to be one of my favorite parts of my senior year. My barn housed my most prized possessions for years. Now that it's empty, I am thankful beyond words for the experiences I've had. One goat led to two, two led to four babies, and the rest is my life.

road trip TX ➳ PA

To my surprise, a few people asked why I did not blog last week. I usually blog on Thursdays, but last Thursday afternoon, as I contemplated what to blog about, Nolan told me that for business reasons, he needed to go home to Pennsylvania. Not wanting to miss this opportunity to see my family and friends, I neglected my blog to contact professors, google flights, and get my life in order to leave in the morning.

Friday morning, we were Pennsylvania bound!

We left Texas, headed a way we hadn't gone before. After grumbling about the road construction, tiny towns, and low speed limits we rolled into Lindale, Texas to stop for gas. For any of y'all that love Miranda Lambert as much as I do, Lindale is her hometown and also the home of The Pink Pistol, Texas. Since our move to Texas I've been thinking about a road trip to Lindale and here our travels took us right through it! Wanting to keep on going, Nolan was unenthusiastic to stop, but I am so glad we did. I LOVED everything about the Pink Pistol; the old truck door out front, bright pink stair case, Miranda memorabilia, and of course the vintage country/rocker feel. So awesome. 

Still swooning over The Pink Pistol, I got back in the car and we kept movin'. It seemed to take forever to get out of Texas. But once you approach Texarkana, if you blink you'll miss it and wind up in Arkansas. We watched the sun set in our rear view mirror in Arkansas and it was pitch black long before Tennessee welcomed us.

On the other side of Nashville, I got to do a little driving. If you ask Nolan, I drove for about an hour, but I promise you it was more like three. (I offered to drive more in the day time, just for the record). Three hours later and thankful to be in the passenger seat, all the caffeine I inhaled couldn't stop me from sleeping like a baby.

I don't remember much of Kentucky, but the Ohio sunrise is one I'll never forget. The sun slowly rising above the frosted fields and miles of farm land. Finally seeing cattle that weren't Brahman influence excited me. White farm houses and old barns made me anxious for home. I love Ohio; it combines my two worlds. It reminds me of Texas with its flat farm land that goes on for miles, but when we reach Ohio, I know home isn't far.

When we decided to come home, we only told my mom, my dad, and my sister. At the "Welcome to Pennsylvania" sign, I snapped a picture and sent it to my friends! We made a quick stop in Washington, PA to "surprise" my dad at work, even though he knew we were coming. Then, we stopped by Gerry's Western Store. I walked in and my grandma just looked at me like she didn't believe what she was seeing. I smiled and all she could say was, "what in the world". It was a surprise so worth keeping.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and there is an abundance to be thankful for this year. I am so thankful to be home this week, spending time with my friends and family. I'm thankful for my dogs, even though my mom let Boomer get fat while I was away. I'm thankful for my education that allows me to pursue  my passion and the endless opportunities that will bring, for the guy I love, who will drive 17 of the 20 or so hours home, and for all the support and love we have from this great community of Somerset County; a place that will always be home.

why I blog

Updated version: I started my blog in my first semester of college. For an escape and a place to share my thoughts. Five months later, it's hard to believe how much it's grown. A week ago, I wrote my first viral post! Crazy. Now I'm on my own site, with a name other than my own, ready to make things happen.

Though much has changed in the last couple of months, my reasons for blogging have not!

I contemplated blogging for months 
I read article after article, blog after blog, about how to start one, why to blog, the do and don'ts of blogging, etc. It was overwhelming and for months I let myself be discouraged by this. The week that I finally wrote my first post, I wrote the blog first and took the rest of the week to decide which blog site to use. I liked the way I could personalize Blogger and make it my own. Plus it was super easy to use! However, I quickly outgrew blogger and began looking for something more professional.

Writing for comfort and empowerment
That week, I was so homesick I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted nothing more than to go home, but that wasn't an option. Writing has always comforted me. I've kept various journals for years, but never actually kept up with them. I never minded writing papers in high school or the dreaded scholarship essays. I actually have my writing skills to thank for many of the scholarships I received. So when I was battling the worst homesickness I've ever experienced, I decided to write about it. When writing "battling homesickness", I thought if I could take my experiences and turn them into something that could possibly help someone else, that maybe it would help me as well.

I only shared my first blog post with about three people; my mom, Nolan, and Abby. I wasn't blogging in hopes of recognition, I was just happy to write and even happier if someone else happened to like what I wrote. Week two I wrote "When Your Best Friend Goes to The Army" and again shared it with Abby. I thank her for the encouragement to share it with the world of social media.

Finding myself
About the time that I was dealing with major homesickness I barely passed my first economics exam. For some reason I thought ag economics was what I wanted to do with my life... Boy was I wrong. I actually hate economics. So then set in the panic of what am I going to change my major to? Agricultural Communications and Journalism had been in the back of my mind since my first visit to College Station this summer. They say if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life. So ag comm it is! Well, until I change my mind again because lets be real, who in college actually knows what they're going to do with their life? For real, ag comm it is. I love it!

To clear my mind
I don't have a list of blog topics stashed away and a calendar of when I'm going to write about what. I just write about what is on my mind, whether it be that week, that day, or maybe just that second that I open up my laptop and sit down to write. Some weeks you may love my blog, some weeks you may hate it. I most definitely don't love everything I write. If just one of my blogs makes you smile, helps you get through something, or is even just relate-able, that's enough for me.

It is so important to take a little time each week and doing something for yourself. That's why I blog.

Please continue to share when you like what you see! I appreciate it a ton.

Thanks y'all

disappointments do not define you

Some events in our lives can seem like the end of the world. My every hope, dream, and aspiration seemed to be crushed last January when I didn’t win the Pennsylvania State Fair Queen Contest. 

Putting every ounce of your passion, time, and energy into something for it to not go your way is devastating. It takes a while to recover your confidence and self worth. 

Now, ten months later I realize that single most disappointing moment in my life is the best thing that ever happened to me...

Here's why:

I was so confident in myself going into states. I put everything I had into the preparation. I executed my introduction and speech just like I had practiced, and I handled the interview with grace. I couldn't figure out (and still can't) where I made mistakes. But had I won, I might not have realized how important it is to know and believe that someone else's opinion does not define you.

I wanted to be the state fair queen for so many reasons; passion for agriculture, love for fairs, etc. However, another important aspect was the ability to take a semester off college. Six more months after graduation to figure my life out sounded so perfect to me. Not winning forced me to make decisions.

Ask anyone very close to me, it took forever for me to truly get over it. Once I did, I jumped head first into every opportunity that I could find to promote my fair, 4-H, agriculture, and the fair queen program. From this came many opportunities and experiences that I never would have had. 

You hear this saying all the time, but I truly realized months later, everything happens for a reason.  During my reign, the queen coordinator position changed hands. Somewhere along the line a lot of important information was lost. Thankfully, I had it all. I was able to play a huge role in promoting the Somerset County Fair Queen Contest and helping two wonderful people make it a success. God knows what he's doing. Trust him. 

The funny thing is, I also realized that deep down it really wasn't what I wanted anyways. Yes, being the State Fair Queen is an awesome experience. But instead, I showed my pigs and steer all spring and summer long. I was able to work alongside my best friend every single day until she left for the Army. I enjoyed my friends before we all left for college. I had fun. Had I won, I would've ran from responsibility and life by taking a semester off of college. I guarantee I would not be where I am right now. 

I was humbled. What I thought to be the end of the world, made me brave, strong, and courageous.

Looking back I would not have it any other way.

Rockwood Fall Festival Parade

2015 Queen Contest with Gale and Larry, the wonderful new coordinators

& 2015 Somerset County Fair Queen Jillian Svonavec

Planting Activity at Maple Ridge Elementary School

Fun fact: Miss M was the fair queen too!

2014 Fair

Thanks for lifting me up when I was down.

to my struggling friend in college

College is a series of triumphs and defeats, with the defeats seeming to come more often than the triumphs. As a high school student college looks so fun. Why? Because the people you follow on Instagram don’t post pictures of themselves crying with stacks of homework, the D they made on their first exam, or their planner full with four tests in one week. This scenario accurately describes my first 8 weeks of college way better than the posts on my very own social media. I think we want so badly to look like we’re having the time of our lives, but the truth is, we are all struggling at least a bit.

To my struggling friend,

We talk often, but it took a while for me to notice that you’re feeling defeat. I am sorry for that. But you are not alone. I know college is hard, and it’s beating me down too. I don’t know how to be this dedicated, or how to study. Some days (actually most days), I’m not sure I even know how to read.

I’m stressed too. When we talk, I mostly tell you about the fun I’m having and you usually do the same. Yeah college life is fun, don’t get me wrong. But the work load is so much and the classes are hard. I often feel like I’m in way over my head. Not only is college hard, but being an adult in general isn't easy. We’ll both get through it though. I believe in you more than I believe in myself most days.

I miss you a ton and I think about you often. I am happy that you made friends because I made some too. Not even a thousand miles can change our friendship. I can’t wait until I see you again!

If you get a bad grade and need to cry, call me and I’ll cry too. When you study so hard and finally get an A, call me and I’ll celebrate with you.

Don’t let college get you down. You are stronger than that. Think of all the people we know with college degrees; if they can do it, we can do it!

Xoxo,

Your also struggling friend

P.S.   I should’ve been studying, but instead I wrote this blog. I’m thinking about you, so cheer up soon! I am proud of you no matter what.

we need to advocate for agriculture, now more than ever

Promoting FFA, 4-H, the fairs, and agriculture is so important to me. I especially felt it was my duty to do so while I served as the Somerset County Fair Queen. But now that I have passed on the crown, I still feel that as a member of these organizations and as an agriculturalist in a generation far removed from agriculture, it is still my duty.           

On Tuesday, Dr. Temple Grandin lectured in my Animal Science class at Texas A&M University. She provided us with a wealth of knowledge, but one fact that surprised me was that more than 31% of people today have never been on a farm. Meaning that a lot of people only experience agriculture at county fairs or stock shows and many get their “facts” from radical animal activist groups on the internet. Because everything you see on the internet is true, right? WRONG. So she stressed the importance of promoting the agriculture industry, education, and the actual facts.

There is so much we can do as agriculture enthusiasts to combat the negativity that is so often geared toward the industry we love.

Dr. Temple Grandin, who is famous for her animal welfare systems, spoke of the importance of following proper practices on our farms. I see it so often at the county fair, frustrated exhibitors struggling to get their animal to the show ring; animal and exhibitor both in distress. This commotion often draws me in. If it catches my attention, chances are, it will definitely catch the attention of visitors. Then, rather than remembering the outstanding group of senior showman exhibiting their livestock in the ring, they’ll remember that scene of struggle between the exhibitor and the animal; putting a negative thought in their mind about the livestock shows. That’s why it’s so important to put in time at home so we can set a good example at our fairs.

Another thing that happens at livestock shows is that the public is there, but we just mind our own and don’t talk to them. Many people have questions and we don’t take the time to answer them. I think about this a lot with the PA Farm Show coming up because many of the visitors are from the city and their experience there is a huge part of their exposure to our industry. It is our job to educate, because no one else will.

One of the statements Temple made that she was most adamant about was “don’t let the FFA programs die”. Programs like FFA and 4-H are the most important ways to promote agriculture because they teach the youth and the youth are the future of agriculture. About 10 years ago, I knew nothing about raising a pig, goat, or steer. I had no idea about the abundant career opportunities in agriculture. I was just an eight year old kid that thought showing a goat looked pretty cool. Now, 4-H and FFA have changed my life.

PETA often uses social media to bash our industry. We can use social media to show our friends and the world that farmers are not stupid, that 4-H and FFA are great programs, that we love our animals, and that we would never think of harming them. 

Today's farmers continue to be the backbone of America, with the average farmer feeding 155 people. As agriculture enthusiasts, we need to set a positive example, educate, and take advantage of the many ways we can promote agriculture, now more than ever. 

when your best friend goes to the army

In life, growing up and going separate ways from your friends is inevitable. The whole way through school we think about our future; where we'll end up, where our friends will be, and the people we'll become. Often, we find ourselves and our friends in places our elementary school selves never imagined. Though we all graduate and go our separate ways, it is all different when your best friend goes to the Army.

When your best friend goes to the army...

First, you say you're so proud of her and happy for her. You talk about the benefits; paid education, job opportunities, discipline. But at the same time a whirlwind of emotions hits you. Thoughts of boot camp and the tough road ahead of her flood your mind, but you remember how strong she is and you're no longer worried. Then, you think about how much you'll miss her. And then, the reality that she could someday get deployed sets in. But once again, you remember how strong she is and you just stick with being proud. 

The time before she leaves for boot camp flies by, but you spend that time carefully, treasuring every memory. 

When she leaves, you cry a lot, and she reminds you it's "only for nine weeks and why the heck are you crying like a baby". At that point you realize once again why she is the one going to the Army, not you. 

While she's at boot camp you will miss her. But you go back to snail mail and write many letters because that's all you've got. So much joy is found in those letters, especially the first one you weren't expecting or anticipating. You also pray for her, a lot. Surprisingly, that time flies by. 

When she graduates boot camp, you're proud again. So proud. 

When you can finally talk again, after boot camp, you realize how small your petty problems like waking up for an 8 a.m. college class are. And you learn not to complain again, because she won't want to hear it after all she's been through. You also learn she's not the crazy kid she was when she went into boot camp. But you accept that, and love that, because she makes you proud. 

When your best friend goes to the Army, you are a little prouder to be an American. You find yourself standing a little taller for the national anthem and saying the pledge a little louder. I think one of the most honorable things a person can do is serve our great country.  So when your best friend goes to the Army, she remains your best friend, but also becomes your hero.

battling homesickness

 “I can’t wait to get out of this school and this town.” I see these words tweeted all the time from kids in my hometown. I hear them so often when I am home. Personally, I don’t know how many times I said these words during my senior year of high school. Probably a lot. So I searched long and hard for that college far, far away. I thought Texas would be a perfect escape; Texas A&M University, warm weather, new people, Nolan, & independence.

It was perfect at first. I had a cute little apartment to decorate, thousands of organizations I could join, friends to make, and endless opportunities. So I jumped in head first. But then I sank. I found out quickly that decorating is expensive, so are groceries, school supplies, and basically everything in college. I didn’t get accepted to the only women’s organization I applied to (a common problem for a confident freshman). And I quickly learned that if you find a friend in a class of 350 people, but don’t get their number, chances are you probably won’t see that person again. Believe it or not, out of that sixty thousand people in College Station, it is so hard to find a good friend.

Now, here I am struggling through week six, homesick for small town, Pennsylvania. It’s weird, I have always been so proud of my courageousness, confidence, and independence. I never pictured myself as one who would search for cheap plane tickets daily and find events like Homecoming or a cattle show a “good reason” to come home. Unfortunately, last minute plane tickets are not cheap and driving 24 hours both ways for a weekend home is crazy. So I have found other ways to cope:

Find your passion 

Obviously I liked something about Texas, or I wouldn’t be here. For me, it’s the land and agriculture. So on the weekends, Nolan and I find something to do and take our time getting there; stopping every couple miles, or less, to take pictures. In Texas, in every direction you go you’ll find beautiful (well to us at least) farmland and thousands of cattle. We take advantage of this abundance and feed our passion.

Do something that reminds you of home

Nothing says home to me like a county fair. When the radio man said, “Neal McCoy at the Waller County Fair”, I knew I had to be there. Well, the Waller Co. Fair was small, and I mean even smaller than my beloved Somerset County Fair. But I did find that sense of home watching their sale of champions, while eating fries with cheese and drinking lemonade, and again at the rodeo. Finally, as we were watching Neal McCoy shake it, I realized this was by far the most fun Nolan and I had since our move to Texas. For a while, I forgot about being 1,000 miles from home.

FaceTime, Skype, whatever

FaceTime and Skype have been a saving grace for me while dealing with my homesick blues. I FaceTime my momma (and my dogs, cats, and ducks) regularly and I LOVE IT. I also have Skype dates with my best friends back home and my best friend in the ARMY (I am so proud). Just last Sunday, I found out via FaceTime that one of my best friends got engaged. It was SO much better than any call or text I could have gotten. So text your friend, mom, grandma, whoever and say, “hey, tonight if you’re free let’s have a Skype or FaceTime date” and it will be wonderful, I promise.

Use Social Media

Like Skype and Facetime, I love social media! I use Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to keep up with family and friends while I’m away. Both of my grandmas and Nolan’s grandma are on Facebook, and I think that’s adorable! So I try to post pictures often for family. Sometimes I feel extra obligated to post on Facebook, so my mom doesn’t have to inform me that, “so and so hasn’t seen you on Facebook in a while and they want to know are you having fun/doing okay in college?” As far as Instagram and Twitter go, same concept, just for more of our generation.   

Try to Make a Few Friends

It’s so easy to be antisocial and watch Netflix for hours upon hours, but it doesn’t hurt to take a few minutes to talk to your neighbor when you’re out. Our super nice neighbors have an adorable dog named Jagger, so being the animal lovers that we are, that is how we made friends! Just by chatting when we saw them out, buying Jagger treats, and being friendly, we have friends. Easier said than done, right?

I am definitely still learning to cope with this monster called “homesickness”. But whether you’re a senior in high school considering colleges or a college student going through the same thing, I hope this little bit of insight helps!